Well, I've been pretty lousy keeping up with this blog, but right now I need an outlet because I'm stressed out and anxious over the work I have due tomorrow........
Well today at 11am (its 1:42am now, really?! BLARGHGUSUHUUWAAAAaaaaaaaa....)
It's a project for Earth Day and I procrastinated on it again, AGAIN. I had a WHOLE week and I haven't started until today; what the holy frick, oh my heavens.
(Permission to skip following paragraph granted to reader)
Personally I feel that my issues revolves around my feelings of worthlessness and inability and capacity to do the job. I just feel like I'm automatically going to fail crash and burn if I even attempt at anything. So I clean and try to be an angel to everyone to help me come with the mess inside of myself. I keep up this lie until at least three days before whatever deadline and then reality starts to sink in. I It's a really nasty cycle. The only benefit is that if it happens under the right conditions (ex i freak out but misjudge a date and finish project early) my work turns out fantastic. Downside is, I go three straight days without sleeping and cause incredible stress to myself (my super secret special ability).
This seems to be a reoccurring theme with me and I do it with everything, important in my life
so, I'm hoping that being truthful and having something tangible to account to will help be to break this demon once and for all.
SIGH
So here it is, short list of things I need to do:
Finish Earth Day poster
Sketch and conceptualize for anxiety drawing and papyrus collage
Contact SCAD and get info on transferring back from community college
Call my father and grandparents
Finish concept sketches for a fantasy novel cover
Call MVA to scheduel test for my provisional license
Write outline for 5pg essay due april 22nd
Make up work for Sociology and apologize and beg professor for forgiveness
Make up work for Sociology and apologize and beg professor for forgiveness
Contact seller of car in my neighborhood
Finish spring break sketch book (spring break ended yesterday)
Review for Modern Art History exam this tuesday
Contact driving school for my hourly account copy
I'm soo fucked I don't even know where to begin.
HOWEVER!
I'm the meantime you can view some more of my High School art things.
Ha, if I had actually used a ruler for the window pane I could have avoided sloppy lines,
what a stubborn girl I was
(oh my word its 2:33am, kill me please)
Wow. Your artwork is delightful. I particularly loved the insect. It reminds me of the tribal beetle tattoo I have on my lower forearm.
ReplyDeleteTotally with you on the procrastinating. I purchased a Moleskine weekly planner that comes with notebook pages on the right and use it to make these fantabolous (read: outrageous) weekly to-do lists. Naturally, I only complete half of it. If that much.
It's so much easier to do other things that feel like an accomplishment. Like cleaning your desk or reading a chapter for next week's class. Sure, you have an assignment due today or an exam to study for but those other things need to be done too, right? :)
My fear is that I'll have the time and the resources to work on something and will fall short. That I'll give something a true shot and learn that I am incapable. Right now, I can procrastinate with my work and do well and say great. Other times, I can procrastinate with my work and do poorly but be able to use the excuse that if I had more time, I would have done better.
What's helping me is that even if I fail that first time after making a wholehearted attempt (not marathon working at the last minute), I avoided stress and exhaustion and excess sugar and caffeine. And I can always, *always* try again.
Stay awesome,
-lemons